10 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Love You

If you’re like most people, you want to believe that your partner loves you. But it’s easy to lose yourself in all the things that make a relationship work: the fun dates, the laughs, the sex... and forget to pay attention to what’s really going on beneath the surface. And sometimes, when we’re so wrapped up in our heads about how great our relationships are supposed to be, we don’t really notice what’s happening right in front of us. So, if you’re wondering whether your partner is in it for the long haul or just wasting your time, look at the following signs of a relationship that’s going nowhere and see if any of them apply to yours. 

Here are 10 signs that your partner doesn’t love you, even if they say they do. 

Number 1: They’re Hot and Cold 

Have you ever gotten close to your partner and felt them pull away? Are they nice to you one day and give you the cold shoulder the next? If your partner is hot and cold, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re bipolar... But they certainly don’t know how to handle their feelings for you. They can be extremely attentive and affectionate when they feel like it, but they can also be distant and cold. A person who loves you will be consistent in their actions, thoughts, and feelings. They won’t change how they feel about you on a whim. If your partner seems to love you one day and hate you the next, chances are they aren’t actually feeling anything for you at all. 

Number 2: They Compare You to Other People

If your partner compares you to their ex or other people in general, it’s a sign that they don’t really see you as an individual, and they don’t respect the relationship enough to value it as something unique and special. They might mean well, but this kind of behavior just makes you feel like you don’t measure up and will always put you in competition with someone else. You should feel confident around your partner—not like they’re always trying to tear you down.

 

Number 3: They Try to Change You

When your partner loves you, they want you to be the best version of yourself. They want you to make healthy choices, be kind and compassionate toward others, and pursue your dreams. But when they try to change you into someone else entirely, that’s not love. It’s control. This is especially true if they’re trying to change your personality or core beliefs. If someone can’t accept who you are at your core, then it’s unlikely that they will ever truly love you. 

Number 4: They Don’t Make Time for You

If your partner is always canceling plans with you or just not making time to see you, they may not be as interested in your relationship as they’re letting on. We’re all busy, but when you care about someone, you make time for them, even if it means making sacrifices. If your partner isn’t willing to do that for you, then it’s possible that they don’t care about you as much. I’m not saying that a relationship should be all about you, but it’s pretty obvious when someone is putting you second.

Number 5: They Regularly Dismiss Your Feelings 

Whenever you try to express your emotions or concerns to your partner, does it feel like you’re talking to a wall? They might even try to make you feel guilty for having those feelings in the first place or try to belittle them so that they don’t have to deal with what you’re going through. or worse, call you jealous, crazy, or selfish. In a healthy relationship, people listen to each other and respect one another’s feelings and opinions. If you’re in a relationship with someone who regularly dismisses what you have to say and doesn’t seem to show much interest in listening to your perspective, they definitely don’t care about you as much as they should. 

Number 6: They Keep Secrets That Affect Your Relationship

Everyone has secrets, but when they affect your relationship, that’s a big red flag. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you can’t trust someone if they’re keeping things from you. Whether your partner is keeping something from their past or is just afraid of how you will react to the truth, being kept in the dark about something that affects your relationship can be very frustrating. Sure, some people are just naturally more private than others, but if there are big things that your partner is keeping from you and it’s more than just an occasional thing, then it could be cause for concern.

 

Number 7: They Are Disrespectful Toward Your Family or Friends

It’s one thing if your partner is a little uncomfortable around your family, but it’s another if they’re downright rude. When someone loves you, they understand that the people in your life are important to you, which is why your partner should try to get along with the people closest to you. If you find yourself defending your loved ones or feeling the need to excuse your partner’s behavior, then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with this person. 

Number 8: You Feel Alone, Even When They’re Right Beside You

There’s a difference between feeling alone because you’re surrounded by people who don’t understand you and feeling alone when you’re with someone who’s supposed to love you. When you feel lonely around your partner, it means that they are physically close but emotionally distant. You might feel like your partner isn’t really present in your relationship, or that they’re only with you when it benefits them. This could be a sign that they aren’t capable of really loving. Love is about connection. If the two of you are always in separate worlds, even when you’re both in the same room together, then it’s likely that your bond is not as strong as it should be. 

Number 9: They Don’t Compromise

If you’re in a relationship that’s all about your partner and not about partnership or equality, you might be with someone who doesn’t love you. In a healthy relationship, both partners are willing to compromise. They make sacrifices for each other and ensure that they both feel like they’re getting what they need out of the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to compromise for you, it means they just don’t care enough. They don’t see your needs as equally important as theirs. Or maybe they know that you’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy, so they don’t feel like they need to do anything for you. 

Number 10: They Don’t Talk to You About the Future

If your partner doesn’t talk about the future with you, it’s because they don’t see you in it. They might be interested in where their lives are going, but not all that interested in where your lives are going together; they likely don’t want to commit. It’s also possible that they don’t love you as much as you think they do. Even if your partner says that they want to be with you forever and ever, if they can’t bring themselves to talk to you about the future, that’s a pretty big sign that they don’t actually care about what happens next between the two of you. 

Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you back can be incredibly painful. But now that you know what signs to look out for, you can at least try to avoid heartache. You deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and make you feel loved every day. Don’t settle for anything less. 

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